My Biggest Resolution

The problem with New Year’s resolutions is they are hard to keep. This past year I have found myself somewhat out of my depth with regard to keeping my life in order and managing my household. With the addition of Hudson to our family (now 14 months old!), Montana and I confess to each other from time to time that some days we are just trying to make it to the next day. Some days there are no lofty objectives, just mere survival; and that is with the convenience of both sets of parents living within a ten mile radius!

So when I looked back on the year and the ups and downs it consisted of, I really wanted to change some things in 2019. I would like more order in my life. I would like to maintain a thorough calendar that accounts for every hour of my days, even blocks of my free time. I would like to wake up a bit earlier and start off my days with a healthy routine (after all, it seems as if all the successful people do this!). I would also like to read more good boks in the new year as I have mentioned before. I would like to make life respond to me, as opposed to me continually reacting to its persistent hooks and jabs.

But for all these goals I think it would be short sighted if I missed what is most important. Say the unimaginable did occur, and I managed to somehow discipline myself in the ways described above. Say I did plan out my time with perfection, and I really did wake up earlier than 7:00 AM each day for work. What if I did read more books this year than any other year in the past, and really pushed my mind in ways it has never been pushed before? If that is the only growth that takes place, what a tragedy 2019 would be!

What I want more than anything else is, as one of my friends said to me: “a revival of my affections.” I want to love God more deeply this year than I did last year. I want to better comprehend what Paul prays for the Ephesians: “that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” That, right there, is what I want in the new year. I want to better comprehend the love of God for me and grow to more fully reciprocate, in what limited capacity I can, that love in return. Truly, a revival of my affections!

If I can grow in love for God, I will start to love what he loves. That is how love works. If I start to love God more, I will begin to care more for people because God cares for people. Because I love God more I will hate more fiercely what God hates: deceit, falsehood, sin, my own sin. I will likely begin to care a little less what others think of me, because I will know a little more what God thinks of me. I have a suspicion that those fears, anxieties, and struggles I retain will likely weaken if I could only more clearly behold God as He is, and in His love for me in Christ.

So, I am still trying to wake up earlier in the new year. Thus far I have experienced mixed results. I am trying to manage my household a bit better—also with mixed results! I am working through a stunning biography on Harry Truman as I try to improve in my understanding of the last century. But the biggest resolution I have, the one I cannot over look, is that my heart undergoes a revival for God and the things of God. If that is the only thing which improves in in the new year, 2019 will not be a year I look back on with regret.