Not Taking No

I love the story in the gospels of the syrophoenician woman. The text in Matthew 15 goes as follows: 

Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”

Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”

He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”

The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

“Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

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The story is fascinating because Jesus acts in what we moderns would call a “un-Christ-like” manner towards this woman. From our perspective He seems rude. First He ignores her desperate pleas; she gets no response. Then He replies to the harsh words of the disciples to “send her away” not with a rebuke, but with what sounds like a confirmation: “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” My power to heal and cast out demons is not for the likes of her.

But this next verse is so powerful. She does not accept His answer! Rather, she comes again, kneels before Him, and says “Lord, help me!” I am quite certain if I was in this Canaanite woman’s shoes I would not have done this. I am not one to kick against the goads. I am not one to make a scene. I might try once, but if Jesus says He has nothing for me, I guess Jesus has nothing for me. See you later. 

Persisting also risks a more severe rejection than what she received before, and surprise! That is just what she gets. “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” This is not an indiscriminate denunciation or a vapid rejection. This is pointed and it hurts. The bread is for children not for dogs, and you as a Canaanite are a dog! Those of you who would not have left with me at the first rejection would assuredly have left here. It is offensive and harsh; time to take a not–so-subtle hint and go home. 

But the beauty of her faith is where almost all of us would have stopped she continues. She endures through the seeming scorn and utters, “Yes it is Lord, even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Christ then praises her faith and grants her request.

Jesus could have granted her request on the first attempt as He does so many other places. We could have done without the back and forth and the harshness He displayed. But He does not and I am thankful He does not. If He had we would not learn this lesson of persistence and the way God desires us to seek Him. 

When we want something badly enough we will do whatever it takes to get what we want. Ignore me, reject me, offend me—all I want is my daughter to be healed. But the ease with which we accept the immediate answers from heaven indicates something wrong in either our faith or how desperately we perceive our needs. Perhaps we give up seeking God on a matter because we do not really believe God will answer our request, He has not up to this point! It could also be that we can get along fine without the request answered, so we move on to the more pressing things of life. But if we really are in need, and God is really able—we would not so easily leave on the first answer. 

No doubt God does say no. If He granted our every request we would be worse off than the perfect plan He has in store for us. A glance through old prayer journals will only confirm this. I sometimes can’t help but laugh at the things I have asked God in the past which in hindsight would clearly not have been for my best. There are times we need to accept the “no” and learn from the Spirit to pray correctly. But, that this woman received what equates to multiple “nos” yet they were not the final answer should teach us to not give up so quickly. Maybe we have not, not only because we do not ask, but because we have stopped asking long ago.

What are some things God has placed in your heart to seek in 2023? What are some needs that simply must be met? Let’s learn from this righteous Canaanite woman to get what we need from the hand of Christ, whatever it takes. Maybe we will have to wait for some time, maybe we will have to wrestle and weep and persist. 

But maybe also, He will grant our requests. 

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PS: Do yourself a favor and read JC Ryle’s brief thoughts on this passage if you have the time. You are sure to be encouraged!